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The Foundation of Friends Charity Event in WHAT'S ON by Chris

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 18:11:08 +0100

Thursday 22nd July [attachment=0:3t0ukgqa] ia0 The Off Beatz copy.jpg ia0 [/attachment:3t0ukgqa]

A - Z of anything you like in FUN AND GAMES by Chris

Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:13:12 +0100

Coconut

A - Z of anything you like in FUN AND GAMES by Gucci

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 22:32:34 +0100

Banana

A - Z of anything you like in FUN AND GAMES by Chris

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 17:16:49 +0100

I'll start with Fruit Apple

Word Association in FUN AND GAMES by Chris

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 17:15:30 +0100

Easiest game to play, just one word only please.

NO ADVERTISING PLEASE in SERVICES WANTED by Chris

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 12:57:46 +0100

Please feel free to recommend companies but do not add website links or promote your own business unless you are one of our paid advertisers.

Ryanair Sale for Sep/Oct in TRAVEL & TRANSPORT by Dunedin

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 00:09:09 +0100

They are also cutting 17 % of the winter schedule flights.

Forum Shutting Down... in DAILY CHAT by Chris

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:57:41 +0100

Joker s:lol: s:lol: s:lol: s:lol: s:lol: s:lol: You know where to find us s:D s:D

Forum Shutting Down... in DAILY CHAT by LooInSpain

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:55:49 +0100

Only joking!!!!!!!!! We're moving this forum back to Almeria Free Ads and moving Almeria Free Ads to the same server as Costa Blanca as it seems to be more stable than this one. The nameservers may take some time to propagate throughout the internet, sometimes its a few minutes, others a few days, so please be patient. We'll close this forum so no-one loses any posts. Thanks for your patience

Forum Shutting Down... in DAILY CHAT by LooInSpain

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:53:29 +0100

We will be closing this forum down at 12:30am CET. Sorry, but too many people moaning and we can't handle it. Bye for now

Ryanair Sale for Sep/Oct in TRAVEL & TRANSPORT by Chris

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:42:55 +0100

Ryanair is selling half a million seats for �10 in its latest sale, which starts at midnight on Tuesday. The discounted seats will be available on midweek flights during September and October to more than 500 European destinations.

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by Dunedin

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 18:19:45 +0100

[quote="shelairone":2itdoyfh]As you quite rightly said, Cherib. There's often not much to read so I thought I'd scour the book reviews and post a taster of this new book. I may order it from Amazon too. ...................................................................................................................... �The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet'..... By DAVID MITCHELL Published: June 25, 2010 Chapter Two: Captain Lacy's Cabin on the Shenandoah, Anchored in Nagasaki Harbor Evening of July 20, 1799 "How else," demands Daniel Snitker, "is a man to earn just reward for the daily humiliations we suffer from those slit-eyed leeches? 'The unpaid servant,' say the Spanish, 'has the right to pay himself,' and for once, damn me, the Spanish are right. Why so certain there'll still be a company to pay us in five years' time? Amsterdam is on its knees; our shipyards are idle; our manufactories silent; our granaries plundered; The Hague is a stage of prancing marionettes tweaked by Paris; Prussian jackals and Austrian wolves laugh at our borders: and Jesus in heaven, since the bird- shoot at Kamperduin we are left a maritime nation with no navy. The British seized the Cape, Coromandel, and Ceylon without so much as a kiss-my-arse, and that Java itself is their next fattened Christmas goose is plain as day! Without neutral bottoms like this"-he curls his lip at Captain Lacy-"Yankee, Batavia would starve. In such times, Vorstenbosch, a man's sole insurance is salable goods in the warehouse.Why else, for God's sake, are you here?" The old whale-oil lantern sways and hisses. "That," Vorstenbosch asks, "was your closing statement?" Snitker folds his arms. "I spit on your drumhead trial." Captain Lacy issues a gargantuan belch. "'Twas the garlic, gentlemen." Vorstenbosch addresses his clerk: "We may record our verdict . . ." Jacob de Zoet nods and dips his quill: ". . . drumhead trial." "On this day, the twentieth of July, 1799, I, Unico Vorstenbosch, chief-elect of the trading factory of Dejima in Nagasaki, acting by the powers vested in me by His Excellency P. G. van Overstraten, governor-general of the Dutch East Indies, witnessed by Captain Anselm Lacy of the Shenandoah, find Daniel Snitker, acting chief of the abovementioned factory, guilty of the following: gross dereliction of duty-" "I fulfilled," insists Snitker, "every duty of my post!" "'Duty'?" Vorstenbosch signals to Jacob to pause. "Our warehouses were burning to cinders whilst you, sir, romped with strumpets in a brothel-a fact omitted from that farrago of lies you are pleased to call your day register. And had it not been for the chance remark of a Japanese interpreter-" "Shit-house rats who blacken my name 'cause I'm wise to their tricks!" "Is it a 'blackening of your name' that the fire engine was missing from Dejima on the night of the fire?" "Perhaps the defendant took the engine to the House of Wistaria," remarks Captain Lacy, "to impress the ladies with the thickness of his hose." "The engine," objects Snitker, "was Van Cleef's responsibility." "I'll tell your deputy how faithfully you defended him. To the next item, Mr. de Zoet: 'Failure to have the factory's three senior officers sign the Octavia's bills of lading.' " "Oh, for God's sake. A mere administrative oversight!" "An 'oversight' that permits crooked chiefs to cheat the company in a hundred ways, which is why Batavia insists on triple authorization. Next item: 'Theft of company funds to pay for private cargoes.' " "Now that," Snitker spits with anger, "that is a flat lie!" From a carpetbag at his feet, Vorstenbosch produces two porcelain figurines in the Oriental mode. One is an executioner, ax poised to behead the second, a kneeling prisoner, hands bound and eyes on the next world. "Why show me those"-Snitker is shameless-"gewgaws?" "Two gross were found in your private cargo-'twenty-four dozen Arita figurines,' let the record state. My late wife nurtured a fondness for Japanese curiosities, so I have a little knowledge. Indulge me, Captain Lacy: estimate their value in, let us say, a Viennese auction house." Captain Lacy considers. "Twenty guilders a head?" "For these slighter ones alone, thirty-five guilders; for the goldleafed courtesans, archers, and lords, fifty. What price the two gross? Let us aim low-Europe is at war, and markets unsettled-and call it thirty-five per head . . . multiplied by two gross. De Zoet?" Jacob's abacus is to hand. "Ten thousand and eighty guilders, sir." Lacy issues an impressed "Hee- haw!" "Tidy profit," states Vorstenbosch, "for merchandise purchased at the company's expense yet recorded in the bills of lading-unwitnessed, of course-as 'Acting Chief 's Private Porcelain,' in your hand, Snitker." "The former chief, God rest his soul"-Snitker changes his story-"willed them to me, before the court embassy." "So Mr. Hemmij foresaw his demise on his way back from Edo?" "Gijsbert Hemmij was an uncommon cautious man." "Then you will show us his uncommon cautious will." "The document," Snitker wipes his mouth, "perished in the fire." "Who were the witnesses? Mr. van Cleef? Fischer? The monkey?" Snitker heaves a disgusted sigh. "This is a childish waste of time. Carve off your tithe, then-but not a sixteenth more, else by God I'll dump the blasted things in the harbor." The sound of carousing washes over from Nagasaki. Captain Lacy empties his bullish nose into a cabbage leaf. Jacob's nearly worn- out quill catches up; his hand aches. "What, I wonder"-Vorstenbosch looks confused-"is this talk of a 'tithe '? Mr. de Zoet, might you shed a little light?" "Mr. Snitker is attempting to bribe you, sir." The lamp has begun to sway; it smokes, sputters, and recovers. A seaman in the lower deck tunes his fiddle. "You suppose," Vorstenbosch blinks at Snitker, "that my integrity is for sale? Like some pox-maggoty harbormaster on the Scheldt extorting illegal fees from the butter barges?" " One-ninth, then," growls Snitker. "That's my last offer." "Conclude the charge list"-Vorstenbosch snaps his fingers at his secretary-"with 'attempted bribery of a fiscal comptroller' and proceed to sentencing. Roll your eyeballs this way, Snitker: this affects you. 'Item the first: Daniel Snitker is stripped of office herewith and all'-yes, all-'pay backdated to 1797. Second: upon arrival in Batavia, Daniel Snitker is to be imprisoned at the old fort to account for his actions. Third: his private cargo is to be auctioned. Proceeds shall recompense the company.' I see I have your attention." "You're making"-Snitker's defiance is crushed-"a pauper of me." "This trial makes an example of you to every parasitic chief fattening himself on the company's dugs: 'Justice found Daniel Snitker,' this verdict warns them, 'and justice shall find you.' Captain Lacy, thank you for your participation in this squalid affair; Mr. Wiskerke, pray find Mr. Snitker a hammock in the fo'c'sle. He shall work his passage back to Java as a landsman and be subject to common discipline. Moreover-" Snitker upends the table and lunges at Vorstenbosch. Jacob glimpses Snitker's fist over his patron's head and attempts to intercept; flaming peacocks whirl across his vision; the cabin walls rotate through ninety degrees; the floor slams his ribs; and the taste of gunmetal in his mouth is surely blood. Grunts and gasps and groans are exchanged at a higher level. Jacob peers up in time to see the first mate land a pulverizing blow on Snitker's solar plexus, causing the floored clerk to wince with involuntary sympathy. Two more marines burst in, just as Snitker totters and hits the floor. Belowdecks, the fiddler plays "My Dark-eyed Damsel of Twente." Captain Lacy pours himself a glass of black- currant whiskey. Vorstenbosch whacks Snitker's face with his silver- knobbed cane until he is too tired to continue. "Put this cockchafer in irons in your berth deck's foulest corner." The first mate and the two marines drag the groaning body away. Vorstenbosch kneels by Jacob and claps his shoulder. "Thank you for taking that blow for me, my boy. Your noggin, I fear, is une belle marmelade . . ." The pain in Jacob's nose suggests a breakage, but the stickiness on his hands and knees is not blood. Ink, the clerk realizes, hauling himself upright. Ink, from his cracked inkpot, indigo rivulets and dribbling deltas... Ink, drunk by thirsty wood, dripping between cracks... Ink, thinks Jacob, you most fecund of liquids..[/quote:2itdoyfh] I think I'll stick to Exchange & Mart and AutoTrader. s8) s8) s:lol: s:lol:

Giving up Smoking in FUNNIES by Quad Girl

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:13:48 +0100

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom Using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.' The other one replies, 'It's working just fine - I'm down to two butts a day.'

England Football Team in FUNNIES by Quad Girl

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:11:05 +0100

The England team have made history - they are the first white men to land in England and told to f**k off back to Africa David Blane is gutted, his record of doing f**k all in a box for 14 days has been broken - by Wayne Rooney Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this damned mess, don't ask me to sort it out..." What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill? - Robert Green has got a cap for his.

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by Quad Girl

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:04:26 +0100

You lot are really losing the plot now s:lol: s:lol: Me, well between visitors, Wimbledon, World Cup (gotta support Spain and Portugal tonight mmmm could be difficult) and not a lot of time to go browsing and that's without the parties s:lol: s:lol:

England Football Team in FUNNIES by PHIL1

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 15:10:12 +0100

OXO are introducing a new white oxo cube with a red cross on it to support the england team >>>>> It will be called the laughing STOCK. David Blaine is gutted because his record for doing f*ck all in a box for 42 days has been broken...... by Wayne Rooney England have just announced flood warning alerts as 5 million Scots piss themselves laughing

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT - PLEASE READ in DAILY CHAT by Chris

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 11:31:24 +0100

It could be today, just waiting for confirmation. I will try and give you as much warning as I can. As we are changing servers, Almeria Free Ads could be down for a short time.

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by shelairone

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:29:39 +0100

Synopsis of 'The other family' by Joanna Trollope. Chrissie always believed that Richie loved her, had loved her for all the twenty-three years they'd been together, loved their three daughters and their house in Highgate and their happy, lively existence. But if she really was the love of his life, why had he never given her the one thing that would have made her life perfect? The ring she wore was not a wedding ring, and it did not bring her the security of marriage. That belonged, still, to Margaret, back in Newcastle where Richie had started off as a musician, before he became famous. Margaret and her son Scott never saw Richie, and had never met the three girls. They were his other family, not mentioned but always in Chrissie's mind, an obstacle to her complete happiness. And then, suddenly and shockingly, Richie is no longer there, and Chrissie and the girls have to learn to manage without him. The presence of the other family becomes, all at once, impossible to ignore - not least because they are involved in Richie's will. Old resentments, and feelings of abandonment and loss, have to jostle with the practicalities of money and property. ........................................................................................................................ Have to say I've never read any of her books s:( s:( are they as good as people say ?

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by CherieB

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:22:21 +0100

I really must improve my typing... s:D s:D Authors, Cornwell, Grisham, Trollope..(thats Joanna!), Keyes for a bit of chick lit...various really...depends on my mood..okay got to dash got an appointment... for which I am now late.. s:shock: s:shock:

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by shelairone

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 10:15:28 +0100

[quote="CherieB":24ctti65]:lol: if that was a taster, I hate to see the snopsis...[/quote:24ctti65] Synopsis , don't you meeeeeeeeen s:) s:) Go on 14 jobbed golden haired , taking in washing mujer; whats your taste in books ?

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by CherieB

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 09:59:47 +0100

s:lol: s:lol: if that was a taster, I hate to see the snopsis...

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by shelairone

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 09:58:34 +0100

lol, I'll see if I can find another, whats your taste in reading ? Perhaps we should all scour papers for excerpts and post them for comments ; an online literary review section maybe ?

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by albert

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 09:36:45 +0100

Thanks for that, Shelairone. I wont be buying that book now. I feel as if I've just read it. s:) s:)

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by shelairone

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 09:24:36 +0100

As you quite rightly said, Cherib. There's often not much to read so I thought I'd scour the book reviews and post a taster of this new book. I may order it from Amazon too. ...................................................................................................................... �The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet'..... By DAVID MITCHELL Published: June 25, 2010 Chapter Two: Captain Lacy's Cabin on the Shenandoah, Anchored in Nagasaki Harbor Evening of July 20, 1799 "How else," demands Daniel Snitker, "is a man to earn just reward for the daily humiliations we suffer from those slit-eyed leeches? 'The unpaid servant,' say the Spanish, 'has the right to pay himself,' and for once, damn me, the Spanish are right. Why so certain there'll still be a company to pay us in five years' time? Amsterdam is on its knees; our shipyards are idle; our manufactories silent; our granaries plundered; The Hague is a stage of prancing marionettes tweaked by Paris; Prussian jackals and Austrian wolves laugh at our borders: and Jesus in heaven, since the bird- shoot at Kamperduin we are left a maritime nation with no navy. The British seized the Cape, Coromandel, and Ceylon without so much as a kiss-my-arse, and that Java itself is their next fattened Christmas goose is plain as day! Without neutral bottoms like this"-he curls his lip at Captain Lacy-"Yankee, Batavia would starve. In such times, Vorstenbosch, a man's sole insurance is salable goods in the warehouse.Why else, for God's sake, are you here?" The old whale-oil lantern sways and hisses. "That," Vorstenbosch asks, "was your closing statement?" Snitker folds his arms. "I spit on your drumhead trial." Captain Lacy issues a gargantuan belch. "'Twas the garlic, gentlemen." Vorstenbosch addresses his clerk: "We may record our verdict . . ." Jacob de Zoet nods and dips his quill: ". . . drumhead trial." "On this day, the twentieth of July, 1799, I, Unico Vorstenbosch, chief-elect of the trading factory of Dejima in Nagasaki, acting by the powers vested in me by His Excellency P. G. van Overstraten, governor-general of the Dutch East Indies, witnessed by Captain Anselm Lacy of the Shenandoah, find Daniel Snitker, acting chief of the abovementioned factory, guilty of the following: gross dereliction of duty-" "I fulfilled," insists Snitker, "every duty of my post!" "'Duty'?" Vorstenbosch signals to Jacob to pause. "Our warehouses were burning to cinders whilst you, sir, romped with strumpets in a brothel-a fact omitted from that farrago of lies you are pleased to call your day register. And had it not been for the chance remark of a Japanese interpreter-" "Shit-house rats who blacken my name 'cause I'm wise to their tricks!" "Is it a 'blackening of your name' that the fire engine was missing from Dejima on the night of the fire?" "Perhaps the defendant took the engine to the House of Wistaria," remarks Captain Lacy, "to impress the ladies with the thickness of his hose." "The engine," objects Snitker, "was Van Cleef's responsibility." "I'll tell your deputy how faithfully you defended him. To the next item, Mr. de Zoet: 'Failure to have the factory's three senior officers sign the Octavia's bills of lading.' " "Oh, for God's sake. A mere administrative oversight!" "An 'oversight' that permits crooked chiefs to cheat the company in a hundred ways, which is why Batavia insists on triple authorization. Next item: 'Theft of company funds to pay for private cargoes.' " "Now that," Snitker spits with anger, "that is a flat lie!" From a carpetbag at his feet, Vorstenbosch produces two porcelain figurines in the Oriental mode. One is an executioner, ax poised to behead the second, a kneeling prisoner, hands bound and eyes on the next world. "Why show me those"-Snitker is shameless-"gewgaws?" "Two gross were found in your private cargo-'twenty-four dozen Arita figurines,' let the record state. My late wife nurtured a fondness for Japanese curiosities, so I have a little knowledge. Indulge me, Captain Lacy: estimate their value in, let us say, a Viennese auction house." Captain Lacy considers. "Twenty guilders a head?" "For these slighter ones alone, thirty-five guilders; for the goldleafed courtesans, archers, and lords, fifty. What price the two gross? Let us aim low-Europe is at war, and markets unsettled-and call it thirty-five per head . . . multiplied by two gross. De Zoet?" Jacob's abacus is to hand. "Ten thousand and eighty guilders, sir." Lacy issues an impressed "Hee- haw!" "Tidy profit," states Vorstenbosch, "for merchandise purchased at the company's expense yet recorded in the bills of lading-unwitnessed, of course-as 'Acting Chief 's Private Porcelain,' in your hand, Snitker." "The former chief, God rest his soul"-Snitker changes his story-"willed them to me, before the court embassy." "So Mr. Hemmij foresaw his demise on his way back from Edo?" "Gijsbert Hemmij was an uncommon cautious man." "Then you will show us his uncommon cautious will." "The document," Snitker wipes his mouth, "perished in the fire." "Who were the witnesses? Mr. van Cleef? Fischer? The monkey?" Snitker heaves a disgusted sigh. "This is a childish waste of time. Carve off your tithe, then-but not a sixteenth more, else by God I'll dump the blasted things in the harbor." The sound of carousing washes over from Nagasaki. Captain Lacy empties his bullish nose into a cabbage leaf. Jacob's nearly worn- out quill catches up; his hand aches. "What, I wonder"-Vorstenbosch looks confused-"is this talk of a 'tithe '? Mr. de Zoet, might you shed a little light?" "Mr. Snitker is attempting to bribe you, sir." The lamp has begun to sway; it smokes, sputters, and recovers. A seaman in the lower deck tunes his fiddle. "You suppose," Vorstenbosch blinks at Snitker, "that my integrity is for sale? Like some pox-maggoty harbormaster on the Scheldt extorting illegal fees from the butter barges?" " One-ninth, then," growls Snitker. "That's my last offer." "Conclude the charge list"-Vorstenbosch snaps his fingers at his secretary-"with 'attempted bribery of a fiscal comptroller' and proceed to sentencing. Roll your eyeballs this way, Snitker: this affects you. 'Item the first: Daniel Snitker is stripped of office herewith and all'-yes, all-'pay backdated to 1797. Second: upon arrival in Batavia, Daniel Snitker is to be imprisoned at the old fort to account for his actions. Third: his private cargo is to be auctioned. Proceeds shall recompense the company.' I see I have your attention." "You're making"-Snitker's defiance is crushed-"a pauper of me." "This trial makes an example of you to every parasitic chief fattening himself on the company's dugs: 'Justice found Daniel Snitker,' this verdict warns them, 'and justice shall find you.' Captain Lacy, thank you for your participation in this squalid affair; Mr. Wiskerke, pray find Mr. Snitker a hammock in the fo'c'sle. He shall work his passage back to Java as a landsman and be subject to common discipline. Moreover-" Snitker upends the table and lunges at Vorstenbosch. Jacob glimpses Snitker's fist over his patron's head and attempts to intercept; flaming peacocks whirl across his vision; the cabin walls rotate through ninety degrees; the floor slams his ribs; and the taste of gunmetal in his mouth is surely blood. Grunts and gasps and groans are exchanged at a higher level. Jacob peers up in time to see the first mate land a pulverizing blow on Snitker's solar plexus, causing the floored clerk to wince with involuntary sympathy. Two more marines burst in, just as Snitker totters and hits the floor. Belowdecks, the fiddler plays "My Dark-eyed Damsel of Twente." Captain Lacy pours himself a glass of black- currant whiskey. Vorstenbosch whacks Snitker's face with his silver- knobbed cane until he is too tired to continue. "Put this cockchafer in irons in your berth deck's foulest corner." The first mate and the two marines drag the groaning body away. Vorstenbosch kneels by Jacob and claps his shoulder. "Thank you for taking that blow for me, my boy. Your noggin, I fear, is une belle marmelade . . ." The pain in Jacob's nose suggests a breakage, but the stickiness on his hands and knees is not blood. Ink, the clerk realizes, hauling himself upright. Ink, from his cracked inkpot, indigo rivulets and dribbling deltas... Ink, drunk by thirsty wood, dripping between cracks... Ink, thinks Jacob, you most fecund of liquids..

So where is everybody gone???????? in DAILY CHAT by CherieB

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 09:10:10 +0100

Thank you Pops for showing me the error of my ways, and thank you Albert for seeing my point, its all very well reading but if there is nothing to read what happens then... s:idea: s:idea: